Swine Flu Tips

Chris — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 16:30:16 +0000

Swine flu tip #1: Somewhere, right now, someone is asking if they can get swine flu from bacon. Don’t be that guy.
Swine flu tip #2: You can get swine flu if living closely with infected swine. So, ladies, if your man’s a pig, good time to let him go.
Swine flu tip #3: You cannot get swine flu by watching Porky Pig cartoons. Only slight chance of bird flu from Daffy Duck.
Swine flu tip #4: Media hype inversely proportional to actual threat. So, if we stop talking about swine flu, *that’s* when you should worry.
Swine flu tip #5: Flying Pig Marathon is unlikely to create swine flu problem. Just don’t lick other runners.
Swine flu tip #6: If you feel ill, assume it’s the swine flu and you’re going to die. No matter what anyone else says. You’re doomed.
Swine flu tip #7: If you’re going to cough or sneeze, cover the mouth of everyone within 60 feet of you. Duct tape works well.
Swine flu tip #8: You will not get swine flu by Googling “swine flu”. You might get a virus, but it won’t be swine flu.
Swine flu tip #9: That whole thing about you can pick friends, pick nose, not friends’ nose? That’s some good advice right now. Just say no.

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